How Do You Cope

At the end of last year, we lost our father to cancer. He battled for five months but eventually lost. He was 66. Some days I am thankful that he had lived a full life before he died. There was no stone left unturned. He led a happy life. But some days it made me sad. He was only 66. The years ahead would still be happy ones should he still lives. 

And like a cliche', I realized how at times I had taken him for granted. I should have visited my parents more often, and treated them to nice dinners and vacation. But it's too late now to linger on the past and learn from this mistake instead.

Life is short. That much was made clear to me by his passing. When I went back to Manila on January, I had been a restless friend and mother. I made plans for all our weekends and this was how I discovered a new love. Hiking. I'd hiked to 2 mountains already and has no plan of stopping. I am enjoying a weekend on top of a mountain surrounded with great friends and laughter every month and I am loving it. 

My son and husband have been supportive and are making me happy too. I am so grateful for their love. A hug and a kiss make my day already but a good conversation even makes it more interesting.

 

Marley and Me

I was pregnant when I watched Marley and Me. I totally had no idea about the movie nor heard of it before. I was just passing the time while waiting for my husband to come home from work. I was crying when he arrived.

Five years later I came across the book while buying children's books for my son. Every night after reading all of my son's 7 books (he insists!) I read 5 pages of it or so before surrendering to sleep. I haven't reached the 100th page yet but I am enjoying it. It makes me laugh and leave me wanting to own a dog.

We had a dog while growing up, too many in fact to count. They're not of pure breed. They're lineage of course could be traced from a stray dog of which puppies were given to neighbors. I had one that was brought by my grandmother all the way from Biliran. Another was a favored one, hairy, small and gray. My father bought the dog shampoo and the rest was up to me. It took the meat my father was supposed to cook and I ended up looking for the dog everywhere. It came home full and satisfied.

I have thought many times of owning a dog again. We did it back in April but had to return the dog after a few days. Financially I wasn't ready. Our money was alloted for the house and it's imperative that the dog be administered with the anti-rabies first or  I'll never find peace again.

Who knows maybe next year I'll find the right one and fall in love.

Christmas Is Here

We have a long Christmas season. It starts on the first day of September and continue until the first week of January. If I'll keep the car windows down on my way to work, I'll hear Christmas songs being played from houses, jeepneys, buses and malls. And we don't even keep the volume low. We really announce it to everyone.

For years our family had rented an apartment. For our first Christmas together my husband and I bought a small tabletop Christmas tree. Over the years, it had changed places to the top of the TV and above the bookshelf. This year, we have finally decided to set up a Christmas tree and decorate our own house  for Christmas. I was so excited. I bought the tree early and then last Sunday with the help of my cousin I went to Divisoria and bought the accessories. Everyone helped with the decorating. During the process I kept on hearing my son say "That's amazing!". Wasn't it. They used to be dreams but slowly our dreams are coming true, from the house to the Christmas tree and hopefully we can travel next year.

What's Your Shopping Attitude?

Despite the onset of online shopping here, I have never tried it for clothes. Since different brands have different sizes I am not confident that the clothes delivered at my doorstep will fit me. I'd visit the websites, take screenshots and look for them at the mall.

We have a very convenient place. We are close to almost anything, including SM Supermalls. I went to SM Molino a few weeks ago, showed the photo to the salesman and with much enthusiasm he told me "Oh yes! Someone came here this morning and bought that too."

I came home empty handed. 

Silent Nights

Ever since I left home for work, I have never stayed in my hometown nor be with my parents for longer than a week. My mother always fly here but my father, not a fan of city life, prefers to stay behind.

Lately though, they come here often and stay with us. Sad as it may seem but my father's sickness is the reason why for days my son wakes up to see his grandfather in our home and at bedtime he visits first his grandparents' room before proceeding to ours. If there's someone who likes our current set up, it's my son. Just this morning before we left, my mother said her goodbye and my son told her to come back. 

After dinner my father and I stay outside and talk. While he sips Sustagen, I drink my coffee. It's quiet outside and sometimes cold. I tell my father some things that my mother prefers not to talk about and he tells me things that he often observes. My father has never denied me of his support. He's a quiet man, cool and very generous.

I look back at my childhood and the man I know to be strict, but generous; my adolescent years and the man who bought me my very personal things every month with no fail; one weekend when I was in pain and didn't know what to do and the man who checked up on me and went to the drugstore to get my medicine; and once in college when I went home to see a motorcycle in our driveway. My father taught me a lesson that day. I was very persistent that he teach me how to drive the bike, despite his hesitation and my mother's too, he drove me to a street going to the farm with less traffic.He taught me the basic and let me drive. I didn't get past first gear. The thing was heavy and  my fear got the better of me. My father's friend saw what I was doing and asked him about it. He said, "She's very persistent. It's better for her to know personally how hard it is than to just tell her that or she won't stop." That day, I learned from experience.

Do You Still Print Pictures?

I'm a sucker for saved memories. While everyone is taking photos, saving them in their phones or other digital ways and posting them online, twice a year I sort them all and take a trip to Quiapo to have them printed and put them in an album. Our center table used to house 6 albums but now that we have the media table, the transfer was done. 

My son and I have developed a ritual. Before I place the newly printed photos, we first take a look at all the albums just to reminisce. Sometimes I tell him the story behind a photo when he was still a toddler and couldn't recall any of it. He's still young but I want him to know that he's loved. His father may be away at times but it never stops him from showing his love.

It's almost November. My parents will be here this evening. We have an appointment for Saturday then we'll visit my grandparents' graves on Sunday and if time will permit I'd like to see the Legaspi Sunday Market. I have been reading good reviews and I'm curious. I have no budget for any purchase but I'll take a look and then come back if I see something I like.

What Happened?

I am currently reading The Girl on the Train and there's something that's bothering me. His ex-husband cheated on him, divorced her and married the other woman, and yet the ex and the current wife act as if they haven't done anything wrong. I'm wondering when did it ever become ok for people like them to act that way.

Reading further,I'm actually getting angrier. Is it because people are getting more open minded, influenced by social media, the onset of technology and cultural influences that they are becoming more acceptable? More marriages and relationships are being destroyed , yet once discovered instead of being ashamed cheaters become aggressive and blatantly show off their indiscretion.

I don't know how to end this post. But I'll get back to reading now.